For Now

I cannot put my words

Together

It is as if they are trapped

Inside my brain

Words I need

To express my distress

Feelings of disbelief

And if I am truthful

Horror

At what is being allowed

In the unraveling of my country’s

Beingness

I cannot get the words out

Write them down

Will have to let other voices

Be heard

Other voices exclaim

The anger     bewilderment

Outrage

Like silt building up

In the pristine waters

Of a mountain stream

I will listen

Follow where they lead

Trusting it be

Into the light of reason

Again

 

For now

My hibiscus blooms large scarlet discs

Under my window

 

For now

I watch crazy flights

Of a Phoebe bird

As it snaps up insects

On the wing

Am mesmerized

By these different sized evergreens

On a hill

Above the Camino Real

Swaying as one

In the wind

 

For now

Music     laughter

Kind voices from anyone

Anywhere

Human and animal

Voices of my children

My True Love

Sounds from my own world

The only real word now

For me

The Visit

Joan “Tall Rabbit” Katz

He and I

Come to knock

On your door

Our monthly visit

To you

To laugh to talk

To enjoy our special

Companionship

But your daughter Elly

Opens the door

Comes out in the hall

Tears on her face

Says the words

Heart attack

You suffered a heart attack

Are not expected to live

Much longer much longer





Her words slam through me

An electrical bolt jolts

My entire body

Renders me glued to the seat

Of my scooter

I cannot move cannot catch

My breath





Honestly I thought you’d live

Forever

Even tho you told me

Told everyone who’d listen

You are ready to go

Ready to go

It is not that I didn’t

Believe you

I know the authentic Joan

Speaks only her truth

But my truth is this

I don’t want to let you

Go let you go

But a soul’s choice

Is not for me to deny

And so I tell you again

I love you Joan

I love you





Goodbye

Reconciliation

Mother

When he went away and left you

He left me too

And we lived together

You and I

One woman     one child

And I wanted to grow up

To love you both

But you’d come home

From a job that drained you

That made you curl up tight

Inside yourself

I knocked and I know

You tried to let me in

While he went away

And sent letters of love to me

And I cried to live with him

I didn’t understand

 

My best friend told me this

People say your mother

Has a chip on her shoulder

I didn’t understand

 

Believe me Mother

When I tell you

I don’t remember

That time in your life

When you were ill

When your legs were weak

And you used a cane

When your eyes saw double

And the threat of disease

That would waste you

Hung over us

A girl of fourteen

Awake     awake     whose eyes

Could see     whose brain

Could think

But Mother I don’t remember

I just don’t remember

 

Mother

We are healed now

And the years between

Have made us friends

I need you Mother

When you die

No one else can care as much

—1975

Dry Spell

th

written spring 2015

I have lost the magic

In my words

As I’ve lost the moon

The stars are gone

From my portion of sky

I grieve them all

 

You and I once watched

The sun as it sank

Behind the Jemez Mountains

In New Mexico

Leaving a glorious fire

Of orange     of gold

Of deep crimson

That reached into clouds

High above     it’s descent

 

Where is Orion now

Where are the dippers

I search the indigo

Of early evening

Before windows in homes

Across El Camino Real

Reflect lamplight from inside them

So many streetlights

So many lit windows

My portion of sky

Is no longer mine

My words feel as tho

They’ve escaped into a

Starless sky

In a starless night


*photo credit