Look back down the years

My childhood years

Am I that little girl

Wearing braids with nails bitten

Down to the quick

Yes     it is I     yes

Feeling I am from another

Place

A planet far far away

Perhaps a star

A bright star it’d be

Shining brighter than other

Stars

I came from there

I don’t belong here

 

My family sits around

Grandmother’s table

Gathers every Sunday

One o’clock sharp

For Sunday dinner

Dare not be late

 

My family talks     expresses opinions

Don’t often agree    seldom laugh

They love me

I know this     I know this

They love me     but do not

Know me

They love me but cannot feel

Who I am

 

I feel who I am

I am different inside

Myself

I have tantrums

Want what cannot be

Given

Want the warmth

Of hugs     of arms around me

Words

I love you     you’re okay

My family loves me

Love that needs to learn

To express itself

Some generations grow up

With silent love

Silent love unexpressed

Silent

I need love expressed

In words     in demonstrative

Ways

So     I cry     I scream

Bite a crystal glass

Of water

Mother holds to my lips

No one can understand

This child

 

Forty years go by

We talk on the phone

Long distance now

I am here     they are there

My love for them

Needs expression

I begin to say

As our conversations

End

I love you     I love you

Many months go by

Then

I hear it

I love you

It becomes the way we say

Goodbye

(written: June 29, 2015)

*photo credit