Left Out (2015)

circa 1940

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling left out

Follows me like a winding

Mountain road

Curves around     around

My childhood years

Into all the chapters

Of adulthood

That come after

It takes root

I feel sure

This discomfort of aloneness

The Thanksgiving Day my father

Leaves

 

Father’s place at Grandmother’s table

For Thanksgiving dinner to be served

At one o’clock sharp

Stays empty all through the meal

I have no memory of this Thanksgiving

Day

I am seven years old

Can only now

Imagine what the atmosphere

Feels like surrounding the

Family

Gathered for Thanksgiving dinner

This Thanksgiving Day

 

No one can know

No one can guess

My father is on a train

He is leaving my mother

Leaving me

The emptiness of feeling left out

Begins this Thanksgiving Day

With only Mother     no father

In my home

A need to have what others have

The same size piece of chocolate

Cake

Is born

 

Now

A school of many years

Is passed

I abandon judgment to these

Years

Opening wide two doors

One to my mind

One to my heart

Nothing that happened

Owns a consequence

Everything evaporated

Into the ethers

Gone     done

I am only the observer

And

I am free

               

My Untethered Horse

Beloveds

I want to tell you

A dream I had

In the darkest part

Of night

A dream so vivid

I have to believe

It was no dream

But real

 

I am riding on the back

Of an untethered horse

I too     untethered

No saddle     no stirrups

No reins

Come between us

As my hands hold to her mane

My knees pressed against

The shine of the hair

On her sides

 

Oh     I would ride free

Forever

I call to the wind

On the back of this

Untethered horse

My soul     my spirit

As free as she

Galloping on the sunlit shore

With an endless sea

Behind her

 

Then Beloveds

I wake filled with joy

Feel my spirit speak

Hear words

From my soul

Telling me

 

The untethered horse

Is my horse

She is God’s love

For me

My freedom

I can ride untethered

Free forever

 

All I must do

Is let go

Drain pools of negativity

Collected through years

Of judgmental thoughts

Judgmental words spoken aloud

Deep pain from shame

From guilt

For things that were done

Not done

Neglected     forgotten

By me

Let them pass

Through my consciousness

Like water through a sieve

 

Let go     let them go

Unto God

—September 2014

Angel Wind

th

I call to you

Blow away storms

That rise at times

Inside me

Blow them away

Away

Dark clouds

Dark    dark

Surround my heart’s

Cavity

They drift upwards

Fill my mind

Down again

To cover my organs

Invade my body’s

Cells

Push Spirit’s Light

Away     away

While I live unaware

The calamities

Storm tossed emotions

Evoke

 

Something unknown then

Arrives

A voice speaks to me

I hear without ears

That hear

Feel it like the warmth

Of a blanket wrapped around

Me

 

It says

“Ask and it shall be given”

I ask

 

And the Angel Wind

Comes

Blows the storms

That rise inside me

Out to sea

Blows them into the ether

Vanishing like the morning

Mist

Away    away

To understand

Now

In naked clarity

The Angel Wind

Is me

*photo credit

 

 

 

Listening In & Missing You

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*

Listening In

Here

Where I am now

There is soft chirping

From small birds

Unseen

Out my open window

I listen to them

Hear their conversations

Like the ebb and flow

Of human voices

Around a dinner table

It feels somewhat like

I am eavesdropping

On their privacy

But I do not understand

Their language

Have no idea

What is being discussed

So what can it matter

Anyway                              –2013

 

Missing You

It is in another time

Another place

I hear mocking birds

Sing

As they claim their territories

In the mating months

Of February and March

Our Southern California spring

 

Each bird owns their own

Repertoire

Of rhythm     trills     melodies

Culled from the sounds

Of other birds

Their songs resonating like bells

From hillsides around my house

 

Oh

I remember wonderment

Remember my joy

To hear a mocking bird

Singing

In the silence of midnight

Moon music     I call it

A lullaby into sleep                         –2013-2014

 

*photo image found on Pinterest

My Untethered Horse

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Beloveds
I want to tell you
A dream I had
In the darkest part
Of night
A dream so vivid
I have to believe
It was no dream
But real
 
I am riding on the back
Of an untethered horse
I too     untethered
No saddle     no stirrups
No reins
Come between us
As my hands hold to her mane
My knees pressed against
The shine of the hair
On her sides
 
Oh     I would ride free
Forever
I call to the wind
On the back of this
Untethered horse
My soul     my spirit
As free as she
Galloping on the sunlit shore
With an endless sea
Behind her
 
Then Beloveds
I wake filled with joy
Feel my spirit speak
Hear words
From my soul
Telling me
The untethered horse
Is my horse
She is God’s love
For me
My freedom
I can ride untethered
Free forever
 
All I must do
Is let go
Drain pools of negativity
Collected through years
Of judgmental thoughts
Judgmental words spoken aloud
Deep pain from shame
From guilt
For things that were done
Not done
Neglected     forgotten
By me
Let them pass
Through my consciousness
Like water through a sieve
 
Let go     let them go
Unto God

–Inspired by the book, The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer